We’ve
all been there before. Christmas time draws closer and we walk through multiple
aisles of multiple stores, hoping that something
will jump out at us as the perfect gift for our friend or partner. The easiest
thing to do is to pick something that they like, or something related to their
interests. If they like Spiderman, buy them something with Spiderman on it.
It’s simple enough logic, and logic that I’ve used many times myself. For five
years every gift I gave my friend had Spiderman plastered on it. One would
question whether this particular gift-buying strategy is really the best way to
strengthen one’s relationship.
Historically,
gifts have been used as tools to strengthen and foster our social relationships
with others. Gifts involve an investment of time and money, and Canadians who
were polled by the Globe and Mail planned on spending an average of $1,810
during the 2013 holiday season. Picking gifts for those close to us can be
stressful. We want to make sure that the recipients appreciate the gifts we
spend our hard-earned money on, so it’s important to put a lot of thought
into the type of gifts we give. People tend to choose a gift that matches the
recipient’s interests, but how many times can you give someone a
Spiderman-themed gift before their house becomes a comic book shrine? And what
if picking something based on your friend’s interests wasn’t the only way to
become closer and bring them happiness?
There’s
now research evidence supporting the idea that recipient-centric gifts (or,
gifts based on the recipient’s likes and interests) are not the only way to
promote closeness in relationships. Aknin and colleagues conducted a series of
studies that looked at what kinds of gifts bring people closer together, and their
studies revealed some interesting findings that challenge the type of logic we
normally use when choosing gifts.
Half
of Aknin’s studies supported the claim that participants preferred giving gifts
that reflected the recipient’s interests and that showed their knowledge of the
recipient. The results also indicated that people mostly received gifts that
were related to their interests. This is to be expected, as the gift is
supposed to be for the recipient, not for the giver, and people pick gifts
based on what they think the recipient will enjoy. After all, giving your
friends a gift that you would enjoy
would seem kind of egotistical…wouldn’t it?
The
results aren’t necessarily what you would expect. Researchers conducted a lab
experiment in which participants were assigned to give an iTunes song that
either reflected the giver or the recipient to a friend, family member, or
romantic partner. Both the gift-givers and the recipients responded to questionnaires
measuring how close they felt to the recipient/sender, how much they liked the
gift, and how much they felt that the gift reflected their “true self” (in this
case, how much the gift really reflected their interests). The researchers found
that when recipients received a gift that reflected the sender, the recipient felt
closer to the sender than recipients who received a gift that reflected their
own interests. Moreover, how much recipients liked the gift didn’t affect how
close they felt to the sender. Even if they hated the song they were given, they
still felt like their relationship with the sender became closer.
Why
did the results turn out this way? There are a few theories. Aknin proposes
that gifts that reflect the giver serve as an act of self-disclosure—givers are
sharing a piece of their personality, passions, or interests with the
recipient, and this causes both people to feel closer to each other because the
gift serves as a bonding experience. Another possible explanation is that givers
know themselves better than they know the recipient, so a gift that is more in
line with the giver’s interests is easier to execute successfully than trying
to predict what the recipient will like. As for my Spiderman gifts, I found out
the hard way that my friend didn’t like Spiderman enough to justify slowly buying
him a room’s worth of merchandise.
These
results aren’t to say that buying gifts you think your friends, families, or
partners will like will not strengthen your relationship with them. In fact,
Aknin also found that when recipients felt that the gift accurately—accurately is the key word here—reflected
their own interests, they felt closer to the giver. This is research that you
may want to take into account while Christmas shopping this year, if you’re
looking to become closer to the important people in your life. Perhaps broadening
your options when you’re perusing the aisles for Christmas presents will make
it easier to find “the perfect gift.” The gift you choose doesn’t have to be based
on what you think your friends will like. Introduce your friends to the music
you enjoy, give them your favourite book, or take them to see a movie or play
you’ve been dying to see. Giving friends “a piece of you” is an underused
strategy—people don’t do it often. Try it out!
References
Aknin, L., & Human, L. (2015). Give a piece
of you: Gifts that reflect giver promote closeness. Journal of
Experimental Social Psychology, 60, 8-16. doi:10.1016/j.jesp.2015.04.006
Marotte,
B. (2013). Canadians plan to spend an average $1,810 this holiday season.
Retrieved November 3, 2015, from http://www.theglobeandmail.com/globe-investor/personal-finance/household-finances/canadians-to-spend-more-shop-online-this-holiday-season/article15290922/
- Julia Kilpatrick
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